From a Hopeless Romantic

Before you even get to the 'boyfriends, girlfriends' thing that is all that is spoken about at my age, you get to love. And now I am confused about what love actually is. All I know is that no boy is showing it to me, in a kind of more than friend way. Listening to my mum's Take That album on my iPod (them naturally singing about love) they are basically singing about a beautiful woman that is great at sex. I am not beautiful, and I have no clue about the sex bit, being a young teenage girl and having a sense of dignity.

There are others talking about family love. True, but that love is not optional. You are blood relatives and supposed to love and care.

This brings me nicely onto my next point. All I want is the type of love that family can't give you. The love given out of choice rather than having it put upon you. And so I move onto me. I have never had a proper boyfriend. Ever. Of couse I would like one, but I don't think I would cope if it went wrong, but it all depends on the person.

If you don't understand, I shall explain. There is a cute, funny boy that I have had a crush on for three years. It would tear me apart if I left him. Just the thought of that feeling brings tears to my eyes. However, this boy in question has 'gone out' with four other girls in that time, with up to about 2 month relationships. So not very reliable, saying that if I went out with him it wouldn't last very long. I should have given up ages ago. But I haven't. I try to stop myself crying when I found out about his latest accessory with more fake-tan than skin, but I can't stop it. He goes for the pretty, popular ones. I am neither. All I was worried about in my first year then was work, learning and homework. Finally, I realised that school isn't everything. A good job won't make you as happy as if you have love.

I asked a few of my friends if they would go for love or money. 2 of them said love. The other said money. She is entitled to her opinion, it is true, but I don't think money can make you truly happy.

I read a while ago in The Times Magazine in an article with James May in, that he said teenagers just dream about sex. This has been on my mind for all that time, and I couldn't disagree more. I have been brought up in quite a 'well-off' area, thus have a moral up-bringing. Never had the sex talk yet though. I just dream of being happy, being loved and no more. Love is not one of those things you can get more of. You have to accept what you are given and treasure it, as you can lose it in a second. The most greedy I have got is imagining the impossible love I will probably never get.

There is always your second choice. Of course, you never tell them that, but there is always someone you dream you could love. For a few girls in my form it's Zac Efron and Aston Merrigold. I've had a few celebrity crushes, but they have only ever been much older, about treble my age people. I don't say this to most people, as they don't seem to understand that you can't put an age limit on love.

I accept the fact I have gone incredibly soppy, but Mr Cute is going out with ANOTHER person now, so it's a way of expressing myself.

I also accept that no-one will read my blogs, but I love speaking freely.