A letter to no-one

To You,

I really do not know how to say this. I loved you. And I still do. Even if you want to pretend I don't exist, please just talk to me. I can still survive, just, if you respect what we could have had and show me your grace and care which made me fall in love with you in the first place.

But you don't know I love you. You don't care about me. You don't give a damn. You just ignore me. I am special, and not in the good way, I know. But the mere fact I am writing this shows that I do care and don't care whether you like it or not. I dream. 

In fact, I had a dream recently. That was when I thought I had got over you. I had managed not to think about you for days and I felt happier with myself. But then you appeared in the only place you would. In my dreams. And that is where you and I will stay. Where they will never exist. This dream made me fall head-over-heels in love again. I knew that I never had got my heart back.

So that is why, Yellow Jane, I know you never will get your heart back when you give it away. I gave my heart and what I didn't have, and now I can't cope that he hasn't given me his in return. I want it back. But I know I will not ever get it. You are cute, gorgeous, witty and popular. I am me. And that is why it will never work.

I can't go on kidding myself. I am going mad. The only thing that is escaping my chasm of madness are the tears. They run away from me too. Just like everyone else. No-one can stay with me. They think I am some crazy idiot that talks rubbish. I am not crazy. I am confused and trying to take it all in. I am not coping. And I don't know what to do.

I want help. I want you. Please help me. You don't want me. But I want me. Whatever anyone says, I am still me. I am proud of myself, but I am no longer whole. I want it back. So please give it back to its rightful owner. You will never use it. So why not give it to someone who can?

Never and forever yours,
Phoenix
x

P.S. I know you will not read this. If you do, you won't know it's for you. But I want to tell you after all these years. I am beyond caring. So before I delve deeper into madness, I need you to pull me out.