Another Letter, Another Love

To You,

Great news! I got over you after all this time. You have transformed yourself from a perfect, sensitive boy into a complete idiot and an embarassment to yourself. You radiate idiocy to anyone you associate yourself with and I want to stay as far away from that little mine field as possible.

Now. The only reason I say I have got over you is because I have given my heart away to someone else. And this time it is someone I literally CANNOT have. And the age gap is scary. Really scary. But this time, it isn't a celebrity. This person knows me, knows more about me than I know about them. Now, it isn't a case of that person liking me back, it is a case of any feelings being forbidden.

I am confused.

My stupid heart. My stupid, bloody irritating heart. It runs off with who it wants without my consent. I can't stop it. It has this attraction to what it can't have. I shrug my shoulders and wonder when it goes away. Only when I know where it is do I want it back and I cry. I am so over-emotional. I think I just have one of the worst love-lifes ever. Or, more, the absence of one. It does annoy me. But it causes me more pain than anything else.

I am relieved I got over you though. It caused me so much pain over the years. But now it is over. And now it has started again. I hope this isn't as serious as you and I. Not that there ever was a 'you and I'. It is just three words that happen to go together in a sentence..

Now there is Mr. Right. He is a Mr. Wrong to everyone else in perspective of the two of us, but he is my Mr. Right. I seem to have this urge to show-off around him. I have NEVER, ever had that before. And I temporarily forget how to breathe. That has happened before, and I think my lungs must have extreme short-term memory on their bodily function. It reminds me I still like him. It is useful to know, because hopefully -one day- I will get over him, and I hope it will be short and swift. Not last time which was like cycling up a foggy hill. It is a struggle all the way and you get easily tired and wish you could turn back. But then you can free-wheel down. Only then I found that the hill had a ramp that threw me into limbo, suspended in the air like a rag doll, at the mercy of whatever lay at the bottom of the drop. I crashed, what seemed like badly at the time, but I managed to pick myself up and walk home.

In danger of sounding like an Apprentice candidate with all these metaphors, I will move on.

If you are reading this: thank you. It means a lot to me, I never really thought of doing this before. I have a few friends out there that read my blogs, but for those others, it makes me feel very appreciated. So thanks for reading, and no matter what time zone you are in, have a wonderful day/night.

Anyway Mr. Right, I do highly doubt you will read this. I hope you don't, but in case of all eventualities, I am sorry. I didn't choose to fall in love with you. My heart is a free spirit. I try to tether it back but it escapes. If in an even rarer case you know it's you, I hope we can still get on the best we can. But I feel this post is just going to be a voice that is lost in the wind.