Why I Have No Faith in PSHE Lessons

I haven't eaten for 24 hours. And at the moment I have no real desire to eat- I don't feel hungry and I'm starting to like my figure. So by not eating I would keep this figure.

Now thanks to PSHE (or Health Ed or whatever you call it) I know of several cases where anorexia has gone too far and people have died as a result. You never learn about the cases where they turn their lives around. You never learn about the smaller cases where it is a lot more personal and small-scale- far more realistic to many young people's lives.

So what are they teaching, despite them probably wanting to deny it? If you start being anorexic, it will last a long time and will end with you losing a massive amount of weight. And they are given attention when it gets too far. Do these people do it for the knowledge that if they keep going, suddenly people start caring about them? And I think that that is what has started to click in my mind- people will start to notice the girl who is used to blending into the background behind the natural supermodels strutting around school if she does something extreme.

Another thing (I do go on a bit when I get started- sorry!) is that they say what can cause it, and what the end result is. They don't tell you how to deal with the initial temptation. Surely that's what matters? You see, if I am being tempted and I am fully aware of the risks but think that if I can moderate it and only do it for a short time, then the lessons are teaching the wrong thing. I can tell myself that I won't let it spiral out of control as I know the risks but I have no idea about the minor side effects.

As time has passed, I realised that I am going to eat, but I am going to use this feeling as motivation to improve my diet and exercise. I want to get this figure back again, but I want it to be sustainable, with me still being able to enjoy food and increase my lifespan. Don't panic- I won't do anything stupid. I'm grateful that PSHE has recognised and brought up anorexia, but it is one of the very few lessons I found vaguely useful, and even that wasn't covered to a level anyone could find useful.

The Ten Best Films So Far (in my opinion)

So Yellow Jane published a post about what he thought were the best films, so I thought I would give it a go!
In no particular order, my ten favourite films are:

1) Hot Fuzz- what can I say? I have seen it about 5 times and still laughed until I had to pause it to breathe! I'm a massive fan of comedy films and the Frost/Pegg combination kills me.

2) Up- I know. I'm a teenager. But come on! The first 8 minutes told one of the most emotional stories I have ever seen. Oh and it is very cute! The feels I get from watch are second to none.

3) Thor- it's not just because I'm a Hiddlestoner. Although the plot wasn't the strongest I've seen, I enjoyed it greatly and it has Chris Hemsworth taking his top off.

4) Marvel Avengers Assemble- No explanation needed.

5) The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey- I would kill for the Hobbit life- those fuzzy little feet, the hair, second breakfasts and the cosy little houses in the sided of hills. I'm going on an adventure through the stunning scenery of New Zealand!

6) Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason- a perfect film for watching whilst crying into a tub of ice-cream. With wonderfully cringe-worthy and positively unrealistic moments I'm amazed I love it so much. But the humour can lighten even the darkest of love-related bad moods I'm in.

7) Hawking- I won't lie, I watched it for Benedict Cumberbatch. However, I got so absorbed in the plot that I forgot entirely about the casting and was catapulted into the brilliant mind of Stephen Hawking. Beautifully done and I felt even better that I actually understood bits of what they were saying (CMBR in particular).

8) The Magdalene Sisters- an incredibly moving and harrowing film that I am undecided whether I should have watched or not. On the one hand I have so much more respect and sympathy for those who found themselves in such situations, but on the other it made sleeping very difficult and hasn't left me over a year later. Wonderful acting and a very well-written film.

9) Some Like It Hot- oh the classics! This was a brilliant film and had some brilliant lines. Sorry to overuse the word brilliant but it was a very good film and was... well... brilliant.

10) Skyfall- oooooh this was a good film! Judi Dench as M, Ben Whishaw (yes I'm a Whisker) and the "relationship" between Bond and Silva all added to making the film near-perfect. "Welcome to Scotland" remains my favourite line and the theme tune... don't even get me started.


So those are my maybe not favourite, but top 10 films that I feel were the most memorable for the right reasons. Whether you agree or disagree is up to you, but there is my list!

I promise I'll go back to my normal soppy self soon!

To be or not to be?

I'm all sad again. So of course this means another blog. I realise now that due to me only really writing blogs when I am emotionally pushed towards doing so it will probably give you the idea I am a very depressed person. In truth I am- sometimes. But the rest of the time I am actually a relatively happy person who laughs a lot.

But now I need to get on with why I am writing this. And it is for several reasons- the main being that I found my old phone.

I have been told that there was a time that Hemlock and I... well he would have probably said yes if I were to ask him out. That time was a fair while ago, however.

But I can't help but think of what my life would be like now if I had of done something earlier. And finding my phone showed me just how well we got on in those times. There was no awkwardness, nothing stopping us expressing ourselves and our madness, just what was clear to me was a very close bond.

We were just so alike (I'm not sure why I'm talking in past tense as we still are) and I saw completely why I fell head-over-heels in love with him. I think I felt something from him too at that time. But I let the time and the emotions get away from me.

At least I did say something in the end though.

But thanks to saying something, it has knocked my confidence back. I don't feel ready for a relationship, much as I do want one. I can't even hug properly. I fall in love so easily that I'm obsessed with them if they start showing any liking to me at all- which is horrible if they like me as a friend. I guess the reason why I feel awful at the moment in the long run is that I really like Jensen. A lot. We have been texting a bit, too, which makes me very happy due to the 'x's on the end that he put there.
And the fact he starts most of our Facebook chats.
But what I feel bad about is that I am almost certain he likes someone else. I think there may be two of them, and they are both the annoyingly naturally beautiful girls with equally irritatingly bubbly personalities and maddeningly intelligent minds. But I unfortunately think that they are out of his league. If he does like them in that way, then I feel sorry for him- and I don't know whether I should annoyed or sympathetic towards him.

Screw that I've been in that boat often enough. Especially with celebrities but that's another rant.

We have a fair bit in common, as I have discovered in the 2 hours a week that we sit next to each-other. And I can't help but feel sorry for him when he tries to talk to these girls about it and they don't like it (to simplify things, it's Pokemon).

The final thing that is winding me up is my inability to keep a secret. I am fine with other people's secrets (unless I'm asked about them in which case it seems I am physically incapable of lying)- it is just my own. I trust people too much with too much information.
I shouldn't have people telling me that "there's that guy you like" when he is only a few metres away. I feel crap about myself as I know that each time is just a reminder that my love life has been going far from well and I'm not ready to move on.

I never moved on from Hemlock. I just keep running over it in my own head and have no idea why I do it. It doesn't help at all. But it does tell me that at least when I do finally meet someone who likes me back, I will be the happiest person on the planet. Probably. There would still be the whole drama of a relationship to go (which I never understand why people complain about when there are those who haven't even had their feelings reciprocated at all- unless that was their problem in which case they shouldn't be in a relationship at all. Idiots.) and I'm prepared for that. That's the easy bit.